Making Equality Real Matters — For Women's Mental Health
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Time to read 6 min
Milestones & Missteps: When Women Choose the Bear Over Society's Promises
In a world that often paints progress in broad strokes,
it’s easy to point to milestones as markers of victory- but why are women choosing safety over strangers?
August 18, 1920
Some women Gained the Right to Vote:
The 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, granting American women the right to vote after decades of activism.
June 10, 1963
Equal Pay Was Written Into Law:
The Equal Pay Act was signed into law by President John F. Kennedy, aiming to abolish wage disparity based on sex.
October 28, 1974
Credit & Home Ownership Became Accessible to Some Without a Man’s Permission:
The Equal Credit Opportunity Act (ECOA) was enacted, prohibiting creditors from discriminating based on sex or marital status. This allowed women to apply for credit cards, loans, and mortgages in their own names without requiring a male co-signer.
It sounds like a list of triumphs, but when we look closer, these achievements are incomplete. They’re victories on paper, yes, but the day-to-day reality?
That’s a different story.
Asked to choose between a wild bear or a strange man, women overwhelmingly choose the bear. A testament to trust and fears deeply rooted, this question has sparked a movement—and a reckoning. Even men pause before answering, some with anger, others with quiet understanding.
The bear, it seems, feels safer than what society has yet to unlearn.
S Zafran Photography
LET'S GET HONEST, LET'S SAY IT LIKE IT IS—
These rights & milestones often weren’t the victories they appeared to be. They were pieces of progress, but not the finish line.
The truth is, WE’RE STILL FIGHTING—
To close the wage gap.
Battling to keep control over our own bodies.
Pushing against outdated norms that question our independence & potential.
Every victory has been hard-won, but every single one remains unfinished, causing a lot of women to continue feeling unsafe.
The Incomplete Wins Are Keeping Women Feeling Completely Unsafe
Despite progress, society’s perception of a woman’s worth remains deeply entangled with traditional roles— refusing to be
G R O W T H M I N D E D.
Laws like the Equal Pay Act and Title IX represent milestones, yet their effectiveness is limited by cultural expectations that undermine women’s autonomy.
What happens to the women that find themselves realizing 'THE AMERICAN DREAM' does not protect them? When life doesn't go as planned and women find themselves as single moms without something to fall back on. No resources, no bank account/ credit cards, vehicle or job qualifications entitling women to fair income, especially as inflation continues to rise and the food stamp allotment does not.
Consider a recent graduation speech by Harrison Butker, kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, who told graduates at at Benedictine College that, “A woman’s life begins when she becomes a wife and a mother,” calling homemaker the “most important title of all.”
In the United States, many women face significant challenges related to fertility and pregnancy loss:
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Infertility: Approximately 8.5% of married women aged 15–49 are infertile, meaning they have not conceived after at least 12 months of unprotected intercourse.
CDC
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Impaired Fecundity: About 13.4% of women aged 15–49 experience impaired fecundity, which includes difficulties in conceiving or carrying a pregnancy to term.
CDC
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Pregnancy Loss: Miscarriages are common, with around 10–20% of known pregnancies ending in miscarriage, often occurring before the 12th week.
Medical News Today
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Stillbirths: In 2021, the U.S. fetal mortality rate was 5.73 fetal deaths at 20 weeks of gestation or more per 1,000 live births and fetal deaths.
CDC
These statistics highlight the complexities and emotional challenges many women face in their reproductive journeys, underscoring the importance of recognizing and supporting diverse experiences beyond traditional roles.
When later asked about his statement, he explained that he was highlighting “how beautiful it is for women to maybe just step aside and prioritize their family.” To me, his words imply that despite any of our achievements, a woman’s ultimate worth is defined not by her education, career, or dreams, but by fulfilling traditional roles at home.
It’s a striking reminder that voices outside women’s lived experiences still feel entitled to dictate their life’s meaning and purpose. That someone with little expertise on the subject of women’s autonomy can influence cultural narratives in such a way reveals how ingrained these biases are. Comments like this subtly reinforce the notion that women’s ambitions should be secondary—that life only “begins” with marriage and motherhood, reducing accomplishments and identities to roles that serve others.
Why does inequality persist despite the rights we’ve gained?
The persistence of these ideas underscores why true equality is still so out of reach. When modern voices imply that a woman’s life is defined by what she can be for others rather than WHO she already is, it’s clear that legal victories alone won’t dismantle these deeply rooted cultural beliefs. Real progress will come only when society respects and values women’s lives and choices in all their forms.
Facing the Reality: Why True Equality Still Eludes Us
Matthew Henry Photography
Because laws and policies alone don’t shift deep-rooted beliefs. Society may grant certain rights, but freedom for many women remains conditional, and the cycle begins early—long before adulthood.
Consider the stories children are fed from their first encounters with books and movies. Fairy tales, many of which have been adapted and commercialized by giants like Disney, often reinforce narratives of dependency and conditional worth. In “Cinderella,” the heroine’s entire life transforms only when she’s “chosen” by a prince, a stranger she connects with based on looks alone.
Stories like these subtly but powerfully reinforce the idea that women’s value is defined by how they’re viewed and chosen by men.
Our sons and daughters absorb these messages before they can even articulate them,
and they begin to view relationships and self-worth through these warped lenses.
Boys learn that they are the “heroes,” responsible for saving the day, while girls are expected to wait passively to be “rescued” or validated. This messaging, though subtle, teaches our children the very essence of patriarchy from the start, ingraining the idea that men should lead and women should follow.
Breaking this cycle means addressing these messages at their source, teaching our children that their worth is inherent—not defined by who chooses them or by prescribed gender roles. True change happens when we challenge these narratives, creating space for our children to grow up seeing equality, independence, and respect modeled in the stories we share, the behaviors we encourage, and the truths we speak.
So, let’s speak the truth. These “victories” are worth celebrating, but only with the understanding that they’re not the end.
When we speak the truth – that women are still denied full equality – we create an opportunity for real, transformative change. And that truth has power.
The most powerful thing we can do is reject the narrative that says we should be satisfied.
We can recognize the wins without losing sight of what’s left to accomplish. We can honor the courage and resilience of the women who fought before us while demanding more for ourselves and future generations.
Every honest conversation, every acknowledgment of the pain, every voice that demands more – these are the forces that drive real change. This is how we turn almost 'victories' into actual f*cking victories. (Pardon my French)
Beyond raising your voice and modeling change,
here are some concrete ways to support women, mothers, and families:
- Support Women-Owned Businesses in Utah
- Utah Women-Owned Business Directory: Explore a comprehensive list of women-owned businesses across various industries in Utah. Utilizing this directory helps strengthen the local economy and supports female entrepreneurs. Browse the Directory
- Engage with Local Women’s Business Organizations
- Women's Business Center of Utah (WBCUtah): This organization offers resources, training, and support for women entrepreneurs. Whether you're starting a business or looking to expand, WBCUtah provides valuable assistance. Visit WBCUtah
- The Mama Ladder: Focused on empowering women, especially mothers, in business, The Mama Ladder provides grants and resources to help balance entrepreneurship with family life. Learn More
- Apply for Grants and Funding Opportunities
- The Mama Ladder Grants: Offers financial support to women entrepreneurs, assisting them in scaling their businesses while managing motherhood. Apply for a Grant
- Amber Grant for Women: Provides monthly grants to women-owned businesses, with a simple application process. Apply for the Amber Grant
- Find and Support Local Women-Owned Businesses
- Utah Women-Owned Business Directory: Use this platform to locate women-owned businesses near you, making it convenient to support local entrepreneurs. Find a Business
- Participate in Local Events and Networks
- WBCUtah Events: Attend workshops, seminars, and networking events aimed at supporting and connecting women in business. View Upcoming Events
- Inspire In Utah: An initiative that provides resources and stories to support women entrepreneurs and women in the workplace at every level. Explore Inspire In Utah
- Support Nonprofits Focused on Women and Families
- March of Dimes: Dedicated to improving the health of mothers and babies, consider donating or participating in their events. Support March of Dimes
- Utah Women’s Shelter: Support local shelters that provide safety and resources for women and children in need. Find a Shelter
The Author: Jess Lemieux